How God got a hold of my heart…again

Love Quote - Sweetly Tattered

I have been a bit more quiet this week. We went on a 3 day trip for a pastor’s conference so we were able to stay in a hotel, swim in a pool, and hear some encouraging messages. I really needed that trip. It was good for my soul.

Yesterday was a great day. I woke up before the sun and worked out. It was tough but I love the energy I feel after a morning workout! My day always ends up much more productive! I spent the rest of the morning getting ready, doing a few things around the house, and simply enjoying my sweet daughters. We laughed so much together! Another good thing for my soul!

After eating lunch with my husband, putting the girls in bed for naps, and doing the dishes, I had another much needed, good-for-the-soul moment that I would love to share with you.

It all started in the kitchen. I was listening to Pandora when a familiar song came on, “Lord, I need you.” I didn’t think much about it as I sang along while wiping the counters. Then, suddenly, it hit me what I was really singing. It made me stop. I could hardly hold it in as I closed my eyes, raised my hands to God, and started singing in the middle of my kitchen. I started crying as I sang those words, “I need you, oh, I need you. Every hour, I need you. My one defense. My righteousness. Oh God, how I need you.”

The only explanation for what happened in that moment is the Holy Spirit. You see, I have been fighting it for some time now. Don’t get me wrong, I am a Christian. I am a follower of Jesus Christ who truly wants a deep, meaningful relationship with my Lord and Savior. But I can always come up with some kind of excuse not to try. The sink is full of dishes. Clothes need to be put away. I need to post on my blog. I just don’t have time for that right now. Yes, I have desired it but not enough to do something about it.

Well, God was sick of waiting around for me. He grabbed my heart right then and there, with the dish rag in my hand, standing in the middle of my kitchen in Port Clinton, Ohio. He stopped me. He held me. He brought tears to my eyes as He reminded me that I need Him more. than. anything.

This time, I didn’t let excuses get in the way. I grabbed my Bible, pen, and notebook and got my butt on the couch to listen to what He had to say and to finally, so long overdo, cry out to Him. I want to share with you what that time did for me. This is what I wrote in my journal.

God,

I am faithless – all. of. the. time.

but yet, you remain faithful – always were. always will be.

I have been suppressing a lot:

  • fears
  • insecurities
  • the weight of responsibilities
because…I am scared.
 
Scared of failing, letting people down, letting you down, doing it all wrong.
 
I feel like I have been put into this huge role that I don’t feel ready for. But you say I am ready. I don’t feel equipped. But you promise to equip me. I don’t have the strength. But you will lift me up and strengthen me.
 
When I think about this task – being a pastor’s wife – there is one part of it that excites me, that I say, “I can do that!” And that is to love people. I don’t feel confident in so many other aspects, but that, I can do.
 
But maybe that’s just it. I don’t feel confident so I have not come to this role with arrogance or pride. Rather, I come begging for wisdom, direction, strength. I come with very little but I have love…and lots of it. So, I will do that which I know how to do, no matter how it looks. I will feed the hungry, care for the needy, encourage the weak, be present with the lonely, and love with no restraints. I will be the light of Christ in this city. And I will shine bright.
 
Love Quote
 
After this sweet time of prayer with my Father, I spent some time studying love in the Bible. It’s pretty cool to think about! Love is a huge part of God’s character. He says about Himself that He abounds with steadfast love for thousands! (Exodus 34:6-7) He doesn’t just command us to love our neighbor, enemies, and our Lord. He commands us to love genuinely (Romans 12:9-21) and let it abound more and more (Philippians 1:9).
 
I was deeply encouraged in God’s Word yesterday. I still have lots of insecurities and I often ask God if He is sure He put the right girl in this position. But I am so excited that I get to love the people of Port Clinton, Ohio. This is my city! I’m ready to show the love of Christ in any and every way that I can. This is just the beginning of what God is going to do in my life and the lives around me. I just pray that He uses me, the young goofball that I am, for His glory.
 
Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God alone)

3 thoughts on “How God got a hold of my heart…again

  1. This touched my heart because I can totally relate. I have insecurities so as a worship leader, a wife, a mother and a business owner, I must rely fully on God. I sometimes can’t even believe that He chose me for any of these roles. But He did. And that’s how I know that he will equip me for them. It makes me think of another great song… “True to who you are, you saw my heart and made something out of nothing.” He’s constantly making something out of nothing with me and I’m so willing and so thankful.

  2. You, my dear, are so amazing and best of all, you’re available and waiting for the Lord to use you. He never makes mistakes, just welcome His call on your life. You have blessed and challenged my heart. Love you!

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