This move has held a load of mixed emotions. One day, I will be excited for a new home, new life, and totally different experience. Then, the next day, I’m tearing up because I’m going to miss friends, our house, and this beautiful state I have grown to love dearly.
It’s like my heart can’t make up its mind. I know this is what we need to do and this is what I want to do, but I cry when I actually think about getting on that plane and flying out of here for what could be the very last time. My heart literally hurts and my eyes well with tears when I think of the dear friends we have grown to love so much and their children that have become my daughters’ closest friends of all time. We actually have to say goodbye? How can it hurt this much when we have only been here a year?
I think I have been suppressing these feelings every day. Despite the boxes and the packed up things, I hardly think about the move. I don’t want to really think about it because I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to miss people. I don’t want to leave so much that I love. I don’t want to have to continue to explain to my daughter why her friends are no longer in her life…how the very people she can’t stop talking about and can’t wait to see, she may never see again. It really hurts.
Even though this may seem like a totally unorganized outpouring of random thoughts and feelings (because it is), it is something that I need to do. I need to write these feelings down and finally get them out of my head. I need to let the tears flow, even though I have worked so hard to hold them in. I need to embrace the changes that I know are for our good and let it hurt.
Because, if it didn’t hurt, then I believe there would be a problem with this past year. If it didn’t hurt, we wouldn’t have made friends and touched souls. But we did. And now we have to leave them. And yes, it hurts a whole lot. But I am so very thankful for the time we had with them. I am deeply grateful for the mountains I saw daily (and lived in), the Ponderosa Pine Trees that stole my heart from the first time I saw them, the Elk and Javelina that ate the apples from the tree in our yard, the stars that twinkled so bright, and the moon that lit up our path. I still get to see those same stars and moon where we will be now. So, I know it’s going to be okay.
Tonight, we drove around for a bit, stopping to take pictures and say goodbye to our home in Arizona. I don’t want to forget the paths we walked daily or the road that brought us to our house. I know, in a few months, I will long to see the sights I have seen for a whole year. Thankfully, I have these pictures to look back on and reminisce a bit. It will be so nice to be able to show Vivian her very first home and I know Myra will love to see pictures of this very special year.
In the end, I’m sad to leave but excited for the next phase of the Morter family’s life adventures. I am filled with gratitude for our beautiful year in Arizona. I will never forget it.
P.S. I will be taking the next week or so off from blogging. The girls and I are leaving tomorrow morning to spend a week in Pennsylvania (with Gamma and Poppa) while Ryan finishes packing up and drives all the way to Ohio! (about 35 hours…yikes!) I am looking forward to this little break where I can process everything that is going on and relax before the unpacking begins! I will be back soon to let you know how everything is going and get back to sharing tid bits of our life with you!